PSA Digital Download: When Someone Tells You Something Is Harmful Believe Them

For Week 4 of the Feminist PSA series:

When someone with a marginalized identity tells you something you did or said is harmful, believe them. Even if it was not your intention to cause harm.

I want to make it super clear that I don't exclude myself from these PSA's. These are reminders we all need, because no matter the various aspects of your identity, there is probably a space where you experience marginalization and a space where you experience privilege.⁠

We are all going to fuck up now and again. Some tips (and reminders I needed to give myself, too) for when that happens and you've been called out:⁠
💫 Take a breath. Maybe you feel defensive, hurt, even stung. ⁠
💫 Recall that no matter how painful and embarrassing it can feel to be called out, especially if you didn't intend to cause harm, nothing is as painful as coping with systemic marginalization.⁠
💫 If you are confused by what you did wrong, do not expect the person who called you out to have to educate you. Remember that it is emotionally exhausting to have to call people out in the first place.⁠
💫 Maybe the call out was worded in a friendly way, maybe it felt super intense - neither approach changes how important it is for you to check in on your actions, or how hard it can be to call someone out.⁠
💫 Do some research and some reading to assess your actions and behavior and make appropriate modifications.⁠
💫 If appropriate, thank the person who made the effort to call you out, and apologize to those you may have hurt.⁠
💫 Remember, a sincere apology doesn't place the burden of forgiveness on the person you've hurt, and no one is responsible to giving you more time to hear your apology out, so this one is going to depend on the situation.⁠
💫 Remember that we don't get gold stars for handling a call out well, or for being "great allies" - this is about being a good human, and being works-in-progress.⁠
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In summary, we are all going to fuck up. When you fuck up: acknowledge it, thank the person who told you, apologize (without further burdening the person you hurt) and alter your behavior.

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