Box: A Feminist Sex Toy Shop
Sex is a feminist issue.No, really. I mean it. Whether you’re having it, not having it, have questions about it, seeing a lot of it on TV, hearing about it on the radio, in songs and through your apartment walls, S.E.X is a wholeheartedly F.E.M.I.N.I.S.T. issue.
What does sex-positive actually mean?
Where can people go to learn more about sex?
How can you start to feel more comfortable talking about sex? Exploring your sexuality?
At Fab Feminist, we are asking these questions, and more. Several weeks ago, I got a message from Sarah Michaelson, a kick-ass midwife, feminist extraordinaire from St. Louis. Sarah and their business partner Willow Rosen have embarked on a quest to directly address sex positive culture in their community by opening a feminist sex shop. Any startup founded by two amazing queer people is worth attention in my book – but a feminist sex shop with an intersectional attitude?! Box is an endeavor well worth crushing on. <3 <3
Box was created from a need in St. Louis; to have a safer space to discuss and explore a healthier sexuality. Box helps create normalcy of sexuality in an environment of discovery and education. Box hosts support groups and creates educational workshops to allow greater accessibility to comprehensive sexual health. Box also sells high-quality, non-toxic sex toys with a focus on those who are often invisible to the rest of society, people of color, differently-abled persons, and folks on the LGBTQQI spectrum.
Tell us a little about yourself. How did you get involved with sex positive feminism? What inspired you to open a feminist sex toy shop?
Hi! I’m Sarah Michelson, midwife with Bread and Roses Midwifery and one of the worker-owners of Box.
Midwifery is the fight for autonomy over normal life processes, specifically during the childbearing years. The universal midwifery tradition is to build practices based on reciprocity, continuity of care, consent, and support. (x)
I graduated with a Gender Studies certificate in 2012 and through some of my more interesting classes found social constructivist theory. As a total theory nerd I began to shift my perspective to be more acutely aware of the fluidity of sexuality, gender, and bodies themselves. My queerness became, in this sense, political as much as it was what I felt inside. From that point forward, I found myself seeing a lot of queer invisibility and always hoped to focus some energy on making invisible sexuality and gender more normal in society. This mission combined with a background of sex-positivism, feminism, anarchism, and militant unionism led me to both midwifery and now on to Box. Originally, Box was a response to my experiences dealing with heteronormativity, rape culture, and patriarchy but through discussion with comrades it quickly became an answer to the safer space St. Louis needed. We have gotten an incredible response and couldn’t be more excited about its opening.
Why is a feminist sex toy shop important?
Feminist sex shops are important because they cut through the monotony of patriarchy’s relationship with capitalism. As anti-capitalist feminists we have to fight for bodily autonomy and safety with an intersectional understanding of oppression. Feminism to me begins by redefining rigid roles and rules around sex, sexuality, gender, and relationships and making them fluid. This foundation of fluidity helps craft a feminism that is essentially sex positive and consensual. Some ways we have tried to bring our theory into practice is by offering a different group of inventory that includes only high-quality silicone, wood, metal, glass, ceramic, and stone toys of all shapes and sizes. We will also carry harnesses, some kink tools, binders and packers (circumcised and uncircumcised.) We are also excited to offer awesome feminist stickers, patches, and art prints made by local and queer-friendly artists. Other than refocused inventory, we also choose to host educational and supportive events in the space. These events make sure that communities who are often invisible or fetishized around conversations in sex will have a space for sexuality to be normalized and comfortable.
What’s an average day like at the shop?
We don’t open until June, so right now a day at the shop means scraping plaster off of bricks to expose a wall, tiling the bathroom floor, and a lot of sweeping. Our calendar of events can be found Here!
What kinds of products do you carry?
We are committed to offering only body-safe toys, lubricants, and toy cleaning options. [In addition to] … high-quality …toys of all shapes and sizes… harnesses, some kink tools, binders, and packers… We are also excited to offer feminist stickers, patches, and art prints made by local and queer-friendly artists.
Community is an important concept to Fabulously Feminist. How do you define community?
To me, community is the coming together of folks to provide solidarity through mutual aid and love while tackling social constructions (race, gender, etc) by dismantling the material consequences (racism, sexism, etc.) We build community by taking each other seriously and working together to create the world we want to live in.
How do you function within your community? Have you found support? Lashback?
So far our community has been incredibly supportive. People show up to business meetings, throw funding to us in our IndieGoGo campaign (found here!) and send us letters of love and support constantly. Through this support we have also become responsible to the community to follow through in what we offer. We also We are so excited to help bring normalcy to the discussion of sex, sexuality, gender, intimacy and relationships.
Progressive initiatives are faced with the challenge of integrating their social goals with a business model. How has Box managed to stay afloat and also create an equitable workspace?
As anti-capitalists we are working to build a collective through the Industrial Workers of the World. This radical union helps inform how we choose to do business. We plan to pay ourselves a living wage, have short shifts with lots of breaks, and split all profit evenly between the workers.
How do you see Box evolving in the future?
I see the inventory of Box evolving by offering more kink and fetish options. We also hope that soon we will have the funding to provide toys that differently-abled folks will be able to utilize. Currently, there aren’t a lot of options, specifically for folks with different types of mobility, so we are certainly trying to incorporate that into our budgeting.
What does sex positive mean to you?
Being sex-positive to me means providing education and space for folks to discover their sexualities and desires and never having expectations or negative judgements on what folks find.
What are five ways you think we can all become more sex-positive?
1. Immediately ask folks which pronouns they’d like you to use. Ask every time you see them because gender is fluid!
2. Communicate sexual needs and desires to your partners. Be excited about talking through your wants and needs and they will be excited too!
3. Ask for consent every time, no matter what. Consent is the foundation of healthy encounters.
4.Drop the stigma around STIs! Sexually transmitted infections happen. Get tested often, talk through your risk levels with potential partners, and be open and honest when possible.
5. No one owes you anything. Catcalling, assumptions around dating, drop that stuff. People have the ability and autonomy to make a decision, change their mind a million times, and come up with new options for themselves at any point.
Link Love:
- Box: St. Louis’ Queer Feminist Agenda to Make Us More Comfortable With Our Bodies
- New space on Cherokee Street will be part midwifery clinic, part feminist sex shop
Founder/Director Callie Garp has a Masters of Fine Arts degree from the School of the Museum of Fine Arts and Tufts University. Keep up with Callie here.
This article was edited & prepared for publication by Callie Garp. Photographs courtesy of Box.
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Check out what others are saying...[…] asexuality is a reality x) maybe check out a cool feminist sex toy shop near you, like Box – who recently did an interview with us! Or, explore some manual stimulation. Masturbation: A Beginners Guide is a great resource. If […]